My Daily Life Part 1

I realize that I haven’t written a lot about what I do on a day to day basis in Nairobi.  My day starts with a windy, narrow road filled with potholes, crazy drivers, and people walking that seem to have the mistaken impression that even if they are walking in the middle of the street they have the right of way.  I take this road to Westlands where I park, find an attendant to get a parking pass for my car, and, if entering through the back door, convince the guard (if he’s new) that I do indeed work here even though I look like an 18-year-old mzungu (literally it means "person of foreign descent", but basically in Kenya is means "white person").  Well at least half of that impression is hard to convince otherwise.  I enter the office to a collective greeting, followed by a round of shaking hands with everyone and individual greetings.  These greetings are sometimes followed by comments on how quickly I’m picking up Swahili or laughter at the fact that I don’t understand what is being said, discounting the previous comments on my Swahili improvement.  I ask for words repeated a lot so I can remember them, and the hard words I write down.  I really enjoy trying to learn and the staff seems to find it amusing to teach me.  I spend most weekdays in the office.  I love the staff.  The office is full of fun and laughter.  (Sometimes so much fun and laughter that I have to suppress my normal, talkative self to put my earphones in and concentrate really hard to block everything out.  Faith (the administrative assistant) and I named these two different modes so that she knows which one I am currently in.  I feel that the talkative one usually wins out at the end of the day...haha.)  My days in the office consist of writing programming proposals, developing and packaging new programs, interviewing/hiring new staff, training current facilitators, leading a whole lot of meetings, planning for groups, and overseeing general office activities.  I really enjoy my time with the facilitators.  (If you don’t know facilitators are the staff that lead groups through the experiential learning process and challenge course activities.)  Many of the facilitators call me “sanko”, meaning “boss”.  I tell them not to, but I think this just prompts them to do so more often.  I asked what the word for “teammate” is in Swahili.  Apparently there isn’t one.  I wonder if this sheds any light on Kenyan culture.  I value the friendships that have already formed between us, and I look forward to those friendships growing with my time here.  It is these relationships that make my time here feel valued.  It is these people that make me want to stay longer.  Weekends often consist of leading groups on the challenge course or training.  Lukenya (our challenge course site) is about an hour and a half away from where I live.  Flowers, newspapers, hologram pictures, sugar cane anyone?  That’s right, you can get it all at this one-stop-shop on the drive to Lukenya.  Vendors weave through cars moving at a stagnant pace carrying everything from bananas to bunny rabbits.  Some parts of the road are paved, some parts are gravel, and the rest...well the construction is on African time.  The drive seems long sometimes, but the scenery almost always makes it feel worth it.  Lukenya is past the chaos of the city and looks a little more like your National Geographic version of Africa.  Along the road I have seen herds of giraffe, zebra, wildebeest, and baboons. 

There is more to write, but I will have to leave you at the animals for now.  I am leaving for Mount Kenya tomorrow :) and need to bed at a decent time.  Since I’ll be gone through Thursday, I wanted to post something before I left.  My Daily Life Part 2 will follow upon my return :)

Identity

John 3:30

"He must become greater; I must become less" (NIV).

"He must increase, but I must decrease" (ASV).

"This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines" 

(The Message).

The Lord has been really working in my heart on where I find my identity.  One of my focuses while coming to Kenya was to strip myself of any self definition that is not of the Lord.  I have been realizing over the past year that much of the way I define myself is by what I do.  Like “good student, musician, athlete.”  And though these titles were and are hard to let go of, I would say it is even harder to part with the ‘how I am’ aspects of my identity.  In being known as kind, caring, sociable, well-liked.  These too are things which I must not find identity in alone.  If I hold on to any view of myself too tightly it will affect me when I feel that idea being threatened.  I am not independently anything apart from the Lord.  Anything I think I am is a perception from others or circumstantially based on current experiences.  It is a reflection of the way others make me feel.  This is not to say that affirmations from others are bad, but they are not the sole truth.  We are more complexed than that.  At any point in my life I have been funny, angry, well-liked, loving, hostile, gracious, annoying, a good friend, a bad friend, proud, understanding, stubborn, patient.  Though I hope to grow more and more towards good qualities and away from negativity, none of those qualities define me.  Of course I have an identity.  The Lord made me a certain way and I have experienced certain things.  However, I have to remember the root of this identity.  It is dangerous not to.  Evil arises when this identity is threatened if I am holding onto it to tightly.  When you think about it, this is how much conflict arises.  Someone else threatens my sense of being by either saying something different than what I would like or rivaling me for the thing that I take pride in.  However, if I do not find my identity in these things than I can no longer be disheartened or threatened by them.  I can allow Jesus’ character to shine through me more because I am less worried about my own.  And when we allow Jesus’ character to override our human nature, I believe we become more of the person we were meant to be in the first place.  We become more confident in who we are when we lose the idea of who we have to be. 

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernal of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life" (John 12:24-25).

February

Somehow during the month of February I have managed to go on Safari in the Masai Mara, be in the last group to raft a certain part of the Nile before they build a new dam, start driving on my own in Nairobi, take my first ride in a matatu, get the ball rolling on a lot of things at work, start hiring new facilitators, pick up on a little Swahili (though I need a lot more work...haha), and a lot of other things...  So much crammed into a short month, and it seemed to fly by.  I feel like I will be leaving before I know it.  But I don't want to focus on that now.  I simply want to soak up everything I can from this experience.  I don't have any pictures from the Nile (though I do have an awesome video...lol), but below are some pics from the Mara.  If you want to look at all my Safari pictures, I've posted a link to go to my facebook album.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2063597&id=57702951&l=b8effb668d

The Future

We like to see the big picture and know the huge things we are going to do “for the Lord.”  And I admit I fall in to this category often.  I want to do great things for the Lord.  I want to serve people and impact lives.  Essentially, I want to know that I made a difference.  Isn’t this what we all want: to know we mattered?  Though these statements look sacrificial on the front end, are they not still all about me?  Don’t each of these statements say what I want to see myself do?  God chooses to use us when and how He desires.  He doesn’t always tell us where we are going.  Sometimes I forget that many of the figures in the Bible did not know where they were going most of the time.  Abraham did not know where He was going, He just started walking because the Lord said to.  I need to stop wondering what I can do and start asking what He is doing?  I don’t need to wait for some distant day in the future to serve Him.  There are needs wherever we find ourselves.  This summer I learned a lot about resting in today.  I’m still learning.  But I need to understand that if I am serving the Lord today, in this moment, then I will be where I am supposed to be in 10-20 years.  Yes, it is important that I work for what I feel is right and that I feel a sense of purpose.  But that purpose should be less about me and more about my neighbor.  That purpose should be less about quick fixes, easy results, and fast improvements and more about the slow, steady journey to equality, love, and justice.  That purpose should be less about my life and more about joining hands with the powerful and the least of these and working towards a common goal; working towards a goal of humanity and not simply my own goal.  Instead of selfishly worrying about my life, I want to rest in the knowledge that I will be taken care of and be where I am supposed to be.  Instead of asking the Lord for things, I want to listen to His desires.  Instead of wondering what about me, I want to hear the call and respond like Isaiah saying, “Here I am Lord, send me!” (Isaiah 6:8).  So here I am Lord.  Thy will and not mine own be done.

“Within the journey itself, leaders gain the wisdom to trust that God will provide what is needed for the next step.” ~ Reconciling All Things by Emmanuel Katongole and Chris Rice

Life is improve.  We never know anything for sure.  So why do I spend so much time worrying?  I should do what I can in this moment; in this day.  The next day’s lines will come.  It’s a mystery.  How else could beautiful surprises take place?

Chosen

I watched a girl walking down the road on the outskirts of Nairobi.  Dressed in an old, dirty uniform she trudged on to school.  Who knows how long she had been walking.  She shouldered not only her tattered backpack, but the weight of a world too heavy and complicated for a ten year old.  Watching this type of scene before has made me think, “I could be just like her.”  Given if I was born in a different time, different place, different setting.  I had done no more to earn my circumstances at age 10 than she has to earn hers.  That day I had a different thought, however.  Maybe it’s more than that I simply have the capacity to be like her; maybe in a sense I am she.  For in a sense, aren’t we all linked within humanity?  I am she because she is human.  I suffer because she suffers.  I show compassion because she needs compassion.  I love because she is loved.  I was chosen for such a time as this, and so was she.  Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when He calls us to love the least of these.  For if Jesus is in every person, and Jesus is in me, than I should behave as if I really believe this.

“‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'  The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me’” (Matthew 25:35-40).

This scene made me contemplate why I was chosen to be born where I was.  Why was I granted certain privileges, a certain life, simply for being born?  I could have been born anywhere.  I did nothing to deserve those circumstances.  Should I feel guilty?- I know the answer is no, for how should I feel guilty about the things I can not control?  Should I feel sorrow?- I do feel sorrow for the pain of humanity, but I cannot be weighed down by this sorrow.  I must learn to take in the pain of others and let it pass through me, turning it into peace.  Should I feel unfairness or anger?- But this seems unproductive and what are the standards of fairness?  Who would I direct my anger towards? No, it seems my only option for response is gratitude and responsibility.  Gratitude to God and a sense of responsibility to follow His plan for me.  A sense of responsibility to serve, love, accept, understand.  I sense of responsibility to make the most of the opportunity I was given.

The day after this contemplation I read the following verse.  Isn’t it funny how God answers questions?  I suppose I should stop being surprised by this. 

“...and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.  God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.  For in Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:24-28).

I am called to seek Him.  He wants us to do this even though He is always near.  It’s the process, the journey that He desires: the refinement of our soul.  The result is Him.

This is why I was born where I was.  He desires that I seek Him, reach out for Him, and find Him.  He is with that girl.  He is with me.  We are all chosen.

Becoming A Better Blogger

I have decided that I am not very good at blogging.  I think it is because I have never been one to journal about my daily life.  I went through stages of trying to keep a diary/journal when I was younger, but it rarely lasted longer than a few weeks.  In the past, I have even tried to journal about my life when I am living or traveling someplace new.  People have suggested this to me and I definitely see the positiveness or even importance of it, but somehow it always comes out seeming trite or unnatural.  I think many people have a gift for this type of journaling but maybe it is not mine, and perhaps I should stop trying to make it such.  I record things differently.  I journal my thoughts on my current read or reflections on my spiritual journey.  I document my life through songs that I write or music that inspires me.  I share my experiences with people over coffee or late night ice cream runs :)  I know this should not keep me from blogging, however, I suppose the reason it is hard for me to blog is because it is hard for me to completely open myself to others and to others’ opinions on such a format.  I am open to share my experiences, but not always what my heart is going through in these experiences.  Maybe this is partially because I know that my opinions are always changing and sometimes when I am reflecting on something I am not sure exactly what I think on the subject.  Perhaps I am afraid that I might share something and that feeling might change.  Or perhaps I don’t want to speak in the absolute, for if there is one thing I’ve learned it is that to speak an opinion in rashness is to be very unwise.  I don’t desire to share my thoughts as absolute truths, but more as my perceptions.  However, I know I should not be alarmed to do this.  The Lord is always shaping my thoughts.  That is part of the process of spiritual growth.  Therefore, I should learn to be open to allow others to watch that spiritual growth.  Therefore, I am going to start trying to do that more.  And perhaps through that I might become a better blogger.  Therefore, my goal is to start sharing more.  Expect a new post in the next few days or you have full right to get on to me :)

The Western Project

This past week has been pretty busy.  A marketing group from the States was here and we spent the week showing them all the different facets of the ministry.  The Western Project is an outreach project in the villages of the Bungoma area of Kenya’s western province that partners with local pastors.  Blue Sky helps with orphan sponsorship, well drilling, Cows for Christ, church development, and Early Childhood Development programs.  We left Monday morning at 5:30 for Western, delivered books to the schools in different villages and shoes to the orphanage, visited the new well drilling site, and drove back to Nairobi Tuesday afternoon.  Needless to say it was a whirlwind trip.  The van was completely packed, but full of wonderful people to share the ride :)  I loved being able to see this part of the ministry.  Probably my favorite parts of the trip included a Kenya vs. U.S. volleyball match, a game of tag with local village kids where I seemed to constantly be "it", and viewing the countryside from the back of a motorbike.  Below are some pictures from the trip!

 Blue Sky provides cows for local pastors and needy families.

 Site of the New Well!

 At the orphanage handing out shoes

 Little man's going to drive ;)